Someone told me I should start writing again, so here I am.
Its been awhile since I felt really off on a full moon.
It all started about almost 2 years ago, since I moved out of my ex's house. That was the time I officially lived on my own. Once or twice a month, depending on how many full moons would emerge, I always feel a bit off.
These past few weeks, I cant seem to stop listening to the saddest songs possible. Ive been trying to cry, its been quite awhile since I shed a tear or so. I miss it.
I cant stop thinking that I need to release all this hidden anger, hate, and depression, but I couldn't. A friend told me to start thinking about positive things, sadly I don't have any. My thoughts are clouded with nothing but bitterness.
Being independent is not an easy job. Sometimes I wish I was back in school , all I did show up to class and made sure I passed. Heck, I didn't even care to study, as long as I got a passing grade Ill be okay. If this cycle would've been continuous then we all have it pretty easy. Good thing about being a REAL adult though is knowing how to handle things on your own.
Translation? - Responsibility.
Earlier today, I was listening to the usual songs I listen to on a full moon and then it hit me, every time I change the song, the next song it always goes to would be "I cant make you love me". This is one of the saddest songs I have ever heard and it hurts to listen to it. It ALMOST brought me to tears but something was holding me back.
Have I become so Jaded?
I told a friend today that Happiness was just a state of mind. What matters most is feeling Content with your life. I cant even decipher where I am now, Am I even content?
I spoke to Andy before I wrote this, and we were talking about doing stuff we loved. He loves to dance, I love to sing. He still gets to do it on weekends, as for me I can only do it when the opportunity. I told him that Singing will always be a part of who I am, but I just don't have that much time to do it. I said that I would be wasting too much time if I did. He asked me if he was also wasting his time, I replied that he's not. He still gets to do what he loves, I cant do that. I have to be practical. I love singing but I just cant make a career out of it, and then it came out I said to him I gave up on it.
There I said it I GAVE UP.
I just really wish things were different.
Its been awhile since I felt really off on a full moon.
It all started about almost 2 years ago, since I moved out of my ex's house. That was the time I officially lived on my own. Once or twice a month, depending on how many full moons would emerge, I always feel a bit off.
These past few weeks, I cant seem to stop listening to the saddest songs possible. Ive been trying to cry, its been quite awhile since I shed a tear or so. I miss it.
I cant stop thinking that I need to release all this hidden anger, hate, and depression, but I couldn't. A friend told me to start thinking about positive things, sadly I don't have any. My thoughts are clouded with nothing but bitterness.
Being independent is not an easy job. Sometimes I wish I was back in school , all I did show up to class and made sure I passed. Heck, I didn't even care to study, as long as I got a passing grade Ill be okay. If this cycle would've been continuous then we all have it pretty easy. Good thing about being a REAL adult though is knowing how to handle things on your own.
Translation? - Responsibility.
Earlier today, I was listening to the usual songs I listen to on a full moon and then it hit me, every time I change the song, the next song it always goes to would be "I cant make you love me". This is one of the saddest songs I have ever heard and it hurts to listen to it. It ALMOST brought me to tears but something was holding me back.
Have I become so Jaded?
I told a friend today that Happiness was just a state of mind. What matters most is feeling Content with your life. I cant even decipher where I am now, Am I even content?
I spoke to Andy before I wrote this, and we were talking about doing stuff we loved. He loves to dance, I love to sing. He still gets to do it on weekends, as for me I can only do it when the opportunity. I told him that Singing will always be a part of who I am, but I just don't have that much time to do it. I said that I would be wasting too much time if I did. He asked me if he was also wasting his time, I replied that he's not. He still gets to do what he loves, I cant do that. I have to be practical. I love singing but I just cant make a career out of it, and then it came out I said to him I gave up on it.
There I said it I GAVE UP.
I just really wish things were different.
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